Friday, October 15, 2010

Jesus Egg (USA?) - version 1.0 (2003)

1. Track 1
2. Track 2
3. Bane of Avalon
4. Botato Pug
5. Bloodwork
Total running time 4:43

When cephalochromology is your line of business, you learn to be effective in scrolling the keyword-riddled internet speedways, finding and arresting disciples of Discordance Axis in order to plant them before the Infallible Court of Cephalochromoscope where they might be prosecuted for unworthiness and beaten by blasts forever on the steamy cyber-platforms, but what'll probably happen is a stream of praise for worshiping the right gods of grind, thereby achieving blastbeatitude; grind is heavy on the soul, and Jesus Egg is heavy on the Egg side of Jesus, 'cause theology doesn't know shit about the beginning, i.e. what came first - an egg, or a Jesus - whereas the answer is as obvious as Coltrane's sax skills: Discordance Axis came first, and Jesus Egg knows this.

After being but informed of its existence (thanks to Camille of Dreams of the Drowned, Smohalla & Stagnant Waters), I got this gem, blood diamond, or whatever it may be called, from the blastbeat-happy Nico (again, of Hypoptalasias), who acquired its ghastly form without even proper songtitles from the band itself. And it's a goddamn obscure band, it is. Asking the omniscient Google what the hell a Jesus Egg is will leave you wading through entries of The Flaming Lips' "Jesus Egg That Wept", searching for band info that doesn't fucking exist. This one's shrouded in dadaist mystery, true to a page on YTMND with Rosie O'Donnell having the best seizure of her life courtesy of "Bloodwork", the last track on version 1.0. For a long time, I thought that the band was French 'cause only Frenchmen seemed to even know about it, however(!), I found out that Ryan "Spicolli" Weseling, who played bass in Population Reduction, Raw Sewage, Kilgore Trout, and a shitload of other bands, actually was or is in the unfathomable phantasmagoria that is the fantastic, albeit presumably dead (/forever unhatched), Jesus Egg. If I'm even on the right track, that is.

EDIT: Seeing as an anonymous dude found the mention of Weseling offensive enough to rant about it in the comment section, I'll mention here that Weseling apparently didn't have much to do with the creative process of Jesus Egg. Check out this post for more actual band info, courtesy of Thethirdchildren's googling skills!

But fellow DxAx fanboys, you sure as hell shouldn't be giving a damn about all o' this right now 'cause this Egg is positively full of an unequivocal Rob Marton-impregnated beauty (is it safe to say that he is, in fact, the cock who conditioned the Egg's presence among us, even now?).

Bloody download this. (Mediafire)

I even wrote you a faux cover up there for the whole thing. Think it ought to land me some jobs in grind-cover-design?


Davydd Grimm said...

Did you just call Rob Marton a cock? I'll tell him, you know...

Zmaj said...

I dinna mean a penis! Perhaps the hen (that is, egg) went through Immaculate Conception™ (it would certainly explain the whole Jesus part).

DesiccatedVeins said...

Well, maybe the Jesus Egg came from a Jesus Fish, and another Jesus Fish came with Rob Marton semen and fertilized the Jesus Eggs. Arguably more gross than was probably the original intention, but Marton is no longer a cock.

Zmaj said...

Fowl or fish, Rob Marton's fertilizatory(?) abilities are apparently excellent conversation starters. Who would have thought?

Anonymous said...

This shit is horrible.

The true people that should get credit for Jesus Egg are not credited here. Ryan Weseling was not the main creative force, and in fact did next to nothing for Jesus Egg. He only provided vocals and did not write anything music-wise. That also is true of many other bands he has been in, save for a few riffs.

Ryan Weseling is a sad mama's boy. Grasping onto her apron strings as a 30 year old, unmotivated, undesirable, hypocritical judgmental hipster in disguise.

He is a plight against true music lovers and the music he claims to so vehemently support.

He likes to attack (unprovoked mind you) local clubs that hold shows because he views the people there as "poseurs".

A few years ago, his immature actions influenced by his misguided, self-sense of superiority to others caused him to smash the front window of local DIY club/bar "Now That's Class". Obviously this has not helped his own musical endeavors, as now everyone dislikes him based on his rash and unfounded attack on "Now That's Class".

There's a reason Population Reduction do not have him for a vocalist anymore. And it's not because they moved to California. There's a reason why every musical project he has ever been has failed for him.

He is a disease.

If you have something to say about what I've said here. You know where to find me. I fucking dare you. I would love to show you my true feelings in all their righteous fury. As would my associates.

Thank you for your time.

Zmaj said...

God fucking damnit, what are you on about? Is the post about Weseling or Jesus Egg? Is it not obvious from the post that I really have NO info regarding Jesus Egg? What am I supposed to know, or care, about Weseling, according to you? The bit about him is only there because I saw "Jesus Egg" next to his name on bloody Metal Archives, thus I wasn't even sure if it was THE Jesus Egg in question; regardless, it was one bit of info above zero.

What you could do instead is provide some Jesus Egg band info so I can put it up there. Explaining how Weseling didn't have much to do with the band - good, thanks. As for the rest, erm...

orfee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
orfee said...

Thje egg had to came first because it's hard to imagine Jesus sitting on one.


thethirdchildren said...

Short & sweet - great stuff. Wish there was more to be found, maybe this angry Anonymous guy comes with more info.

Thanks for posting. Cheers.

thethirdchildren said...

here's some info:

Davydd Grimm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Davydd Grimm said...

I really shouldn't type anything when I've just woken up. Anyway:

Anon, what the shuddering fuck are you wobbling on about? It's nice that you have things to say, but wrapping them up in sixth-form hyperbole doesn't really help.

Besides, '30 year old, unmotivated, undesirable, hypocritical judgmental hipster' describes most extreme music fans, certainly over here. Relax, This is Cephscope. Pull up a chair, crack open a can of Monster, nod your head to the slow part in Typeface and tell us what you know about Jesus Egg, rather than just belming about how someone who did some vocals for them once broke a window. Really, we're genuinely interested.

And while I am interested, no, I don't know where to find you and your 'associates'. All that Anonymous stuff is kinda lost on me. Do share, though. Do.

Zmaj said...

Awesome, thanks for the link Nebojša! I remember seeing that purevolume of theirs three to four months ago, but losing it afterward, too much of an idiot to find it again.

zebeck said...

The Jesus Egg That Wept Is Danielle Dax's album; the Flaming Lips compilation is called The Day They Shot A Hole In The Jesus Egg.

thats all.

nice blog btw